A Quick Look At The Story of Reality by Greg Koukl

In September of 2012 my life was deeply touched by a conference I didn’t attend. It took place at Watermark Community Church and they have made the main sessions available online for free. Let me pause for a moment and draw your attention to how marvelous those first two sentences are. A conference I was unable to attend touched my life because the church posted the messages on their website for free! At no other time in human history could those two happenings be true. I’ve watched, listened and poured over those messages many times since the fall of 2012. Each time I come away with something new and helpful.

The conference introduced me to the following list of names: Ravi Zacharias, Greg Koukl, Frank Turek, Dr. William Lane Craig, John Stonestreet, Dan Wallace. That list changed my life. Each name belongs to a man who makes the case for the truth and validity of the Christian story in their own unique way. Each man treads the ground only he can tread and blooms where he is planted, so to speak.

Among this collection, I am most grateful for the ministries of Ravi Zacharias, and Greg Koukl. They have enriched the lives of millions around the world in large part due to the explosion of technology over the last several years. Their respective radio broadcasts and the podcasts they become are excellent. Open another browser for a moment and go subscribe to Let My People Think, Just Thinking, and the Stand To Reason Weekly Podcast.

Greg mentioned his most recent book, The Story of Reality, on the STR weekly podcast late last year.  I found his previous book, Tactics, an indispensable resource for having meaningful conversations about my faith. I ordered Greg’s book as soon as possible expecting it to be little different.

I’d like to share with you a review of its reading. I rarely pay attention to subtitles, but find this one particularly helpful. It reads: How The World Began, How It Ends, And Everything Important That Happens In Between. This is as fine a summary of Greg’s book as I could think of.

Before we get too far down in our journey I want to draw your attention to the key word in that subtitle, the word important. This is a book that covers the most pivotal aspects of the Christian story. It doesn’t cover everything in detail but offers a beautiful telling of its major points. Greg does this by presenting Christianity for what all worldviews really are, a story.

Don’t get hung up on the word story. It is only meant to convey that it is an answering of the great questions each of us asks during our lifetimes. Where do we come from? Who are we? What's wrong with the world? Where are we going?

How we answer these questions forms the narrative telling of the world each of us believes. We all have one, and it determines nearly everything about our lives.

“Christianity is the Story,” Koukl said, “of how the world began, why the world is the way it is, what role we play in the drama, and how all the plotlines of the Story are resolved in the end.” Five words describe The Story: God, man, Jesus, cross, and resurrection. These five words constitute everything of import about the Christian worldview. Greg uses these five words as a plot line for his telling of the Story.

I find this a helpful simplification of the biblical narrative. It’s easy to remember and sets things in their proper context. Instead of slogging uphill you’re able to think through the aspects of the Story as they build on one another.

If you place anything at the center of the Story other than God, for example, you’ll have a hard time understanding the other details of the Story. “God is the first piece of the Christian Story,” Koukl said, “because the Story is all about him. God is the central character. The Story does not start with us because the Story is not about us.” While important and beautiful, you aren’t the center of all things. God is.

Likewise, a failure to put Man in his proper context leads to error. “Even though man is beautiful,” Koukl said, “he is also broken.” Something has gone wrong. The problem isn’t education, economic status or culture. The problem, as it turns out, isn’t external at all, it’s within. “The evil in the world is not out there.” Koukl said, “It is in us...The brokenness in the world starts with the brokenness in us.”

In The Story of Reality, Koukl places complex and intricate topics on a shelf we can all reach. Greg conveys what can be stumbling blocks on the way to truth, with the simplicity and clear-headedness of E.B. White. The puzzle becomes clearer and clearer with each new piece he adds until at long last we see it all come together. The puzzle he helps us put together forms a beautiful picture of the way the world actually is.  

10 Great Quotes from The Story of Reality

  • The correct answer to the question, “What is Christianity? is this: Christianity is a picture of reality. It is an account or a description of the way things actually are. It is not just a view from the inside (a Christian’s personal feelings or religious beliefs or spiritual affections or ethical views or “relationship” with God). It is also a view of the outside. It is a view of the world out there, of how the world really is in itself.

  • …evil is not the problem for Christianity that people think it is because it is not foreign to the Story. It is central to it. It fits right in. In a certain sense, the entire Story is precisely about how the world went bad and how it gets fixed.

  • Put simply, the Story starts with a Sovereign who creates a domain he benevolently rules over. There is a King and his “dom,” so to speak. There is a kingdom. This is what the Story is all about. The main theme is not love or redemption or forgiveness or even relationship. Those are all important parts of the Story, to be sure. They serve the theme in important ways, but they are not the main point of the Story. The idea that God owns everything and has proper authority to rule over everything he has made is the main point.

  • But a story being attractive and a story being true are two entirely different things. Never forget that.

  • Are humans not obliged to a higher law than the law of nature? Animals do what comes naturally. Humans should not…We are human beings with animal appetites that would tyrannize us if not restrained by higher law. The difference between “just doing what comes naturally” and principled self-restraint is called civilization.

  • We are not machines that need to be fixed. We are transgressors who need to be forgiven. We have not merely “made mistakes,” like getting our sums wrong when balancing accounts. We have sinned. And with sin comes guilt. And with guilt comes punishment. The sin must be answered for. It must be paid for. It must be paid for in some way. Atoned for, if you will.

  • The notion of a “vengeful” God strikes us as inconsistent with a God of love. This seems right at first, but the complaint is based on a misunderstanding. God’s love is not a thing in itself, so to speak, but is tied, like all of his attributes, to his goodness, the very goodness we are inclined to question when evil runs rampant. “Why doesn’t God do something?” we wonder. Yet we cry foul when we learn God will do something decisive about evil and we are the evildoers.

  • The God who began the Story, the God who made everything, is the same God who came down, who became flesh, who entered history as a baby born in Bethlehem. Jesus is a man, but he is also God. He is not a God, but the God. He is the man who God became. He is the one person who is completely human, yet fully divine.

  • Any adequate solution must solve the problem that needs to be solved, and singular problems need singular solutions. Some antidotes are one-of-a-kind cures for one-of-a-kind ailments. Sometimes only one medicine will do the job, as much as we may like it to be otherwise…This is why Jesus of Nazareth is the only way to God, the only possible source of rescue. He is the only one who solved the problem.

  • Here is the Story’s solution to the problem of evil: perfect justice for evildoers, perfect mercy for the penitent; evil banished forever, and everlasting good restored.

C.S. Lewis once described Christianity as a big tent. Christians may differ on some of the ancillary aspects of doctrine, but there are many things on which they agree. Koukl's concerns in The Story of Reality are with these points. He translates the Christian Story into terms both believer and nonbeliever alike can understand. He does so in compelling a fashion as you’ll find anywhere.

The trouble is that even many “Christians” are unaware of how the entire Story fits together. They have other puzzle pieces mixed into their box and have left many of the pieces scattered on the ground. Whether that's’ you or you’re curious about how the Story coheres to reality, The Story of Reality will help you put it all together.

More Resources from Greg Koukl

An Open Conversation With Scott Kedersha

"You're only going to be as good," Austin Kleon said, "as the people you surround yourself with." I believe Austin is on to something. Those we do life with shape us deeply. We are, in a very real sense, the average of those we spend the most time with. 

My life is enhanced and improved by spending time in the thoughts, writing and presence of the subject of today's interview. I first met Scott while Hannah and I attended Merge in 2012. Our paths have continued to cross and our friendship grow over the years. He is an incredibly faithful man and leader. You're going to enjoy getting to know Scott, and walk away from today's interview with incredible wisdom to tackle creative problems, build a godly marriage, the benefit of openness, and engaging intentionally with your kids.  

Today's Guest...

Scott Kedersha is the Director of Premarital and Newly Married Ministries at Watermark Community Church. I like to think of him as an expert on building and sustaining a healthy and thriving marriage in a mixed-up, crazy world. Scott has a unique and varied impact on couples all over the map, literally, through his blog and work with Merge. He has a rockstar of a wife and four great sons, but I'll let him tell you about them. 

On to the interview...

Tell us about your family.

One godly, patient woman named Kristen and five loud, smelly boys (including me). I never thought we’d have a large family, but we love raising four sons together. We’re doing the best we can to raise up followers of Christ who will one day lead their own families to the Lord. We enjoy games, sports, and laughing together. I wish I could tell you we had amazing spiritual times together, but I’d be flat out lying! Those do happen on occasion, but on the whole as a family, we love Jesus and love each other.

You said you’d be lying if you said you had amazing spiritual times together. Families in and out of ministry struggle with that. Can you elaborate on what things look like for you guys, and how you fight to lead your family well in this area?

Families devotions were never modeled for me growing up. While I grew up in a loving, moral home, we never opened up our bibles, prayed together, or even attended church together. When I became a follower of Christ, and then later a husband and dad, I envisioned amazing family time where we shared what God was teaching us in His Word, followed by worship and prayer. 

In reality, our home is filled with noise, chaos, and scattered family time. Between school, kid’s sports, and ministry, we often settle for meals together and call that a win. More of our spiritual time comes “while we walk along the way” (Deuteronomy 6:7). This means that we teach and disciple more in the spontaneous moments than in structured family time. Yes, we pray together at meals and at night, but more of our deep, spiritual conversations come at unstructured times.

I am very intentional in spending quality one-on-one times with my boys during important milestones in their lives. And, I am intentional about reading books with my boys and discussing together. For instance, my twins and I just finished reading the book Ask It, by Andy Stanley to help them (and to help me!) make better decisions. We’re about to read a purity book together as well. The book provides good material for discussion, and the one-on-one time allows safety to be built in our relationship.

What's the best advice you've received, who gave it to you & how did it help you?

In the Fall of 2002, right after Kristen and I moved to Dallas from Atlanta so that I could attend Dallas Theological Seminary (DTS), Watermark’s lead pastor spoke to a group of DTS students. He told us to, “Know yourself, like yourself, be yourself.” As an insecure first year student who compared himself to everyone around him, I needed these words. I needed to hear that God made me in His image and likeness, with unique gifts and my own wiring. I didn’t need to be a preacher and I didn’t need to be wired like anyone else at Watermark.

It took a few years for these words to sink in, but when they finally did, I realized I had to stop comparing myself to other guys on staff. Instead, I needed to embrace the gifts God gave me and know myself, like myself, and be myself. 

What single person has had the biggest impact on you?

While I was a student at Wake Forest University, I volunteered at Baptist Hospital in Winston-Salem so that I could learn more about physical therapy. One of the physical therapists who worked at Baptist was a guy named Will Hall. He watched college football, liked coffee and an occasional beer, and was engaged to a gal named Kelly. I liked Will because he was a normal guy who loved what he did as a therapist and because he loved people.

He also happened to be the first person to share the gospel with me. On a weekly basis for years, Will shared his life with me and poured into me. He discipled me by teaching me how to read God’s Word, memorize scripture, and journal. His love for Jesus was contagious. I owe so much of what’s good in me to this day to the impact Will had on my life.

How do you set goals? What are you currently working to achieve?

For the last few years, I’ve walked through Michael Hyatt’s Best Year Ever class. The class takes you on a guided process of evaluating the past year and developing goals for the upcoming year. The process has been so helpful to me as it helps me be strategic in choosing areas to develop goals. In 2017, I have goals related to writing, Bible reading and journaling, exercise, parenting, and more. The most important part of the process involves reviewing my goals on a weekly basis. To keep them front of mind I’ve added a weekly task to my to-do list. As they say, “out of sight, out of mind.” I need to find practical ways to keep them in sight.

When you think of the word successful, who is the first person to come to mind?

I think of my friend and co-worker Jim Wimberley. Jim's been married to Judy for over 50 years, has four children, and an army of grandkids. He’s loved by our staff and loves people. Even more important, he loves Jesus. His faith is infectious, and he is the man many of us on staff want to be like when we grow up.

The thing I most admire about Jim is his prayer life. He exemplifies James 5:16b, which says, "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” Jim Wimberley exemplifies what happens when a righteous man prays. He knows God is a HUGE God and his prayers reflect the fact that he worships a big God! 

What are you best at?

The honest answer, I think, is nothing. I go through life thinking everyone else is better than me at everything else. It’s one of the worst things about me.

But, if I ask others what I’m best at, I think they’d say it’s remembering people’s names and remembering important things about them. This is the thing I don’t have to work at - it just happens naturally. My brain makes connections without me even knowing what’s going on. I picture my brain as a big spider web, connecting one person and random fact to another. I’m thankful God has given me this gift, as it is a huge help in ministry. This is the way God has gifted me to love others.

What gets you out of bed in the morning? What are you most passionate about?

Besides my beeping iPhone alarm and the four boys who run around my house?

I love being a husband to Kristen and a daddy to four boys. Andy Stanley shares about the importance of the fact that only one person can be Kristen’s husband and the dad to my four boys. Many people can be a marriage pastor at Watermark, but only one person can be husband and daddy to my family.

Besides my family, helping couples prepare for and establish strong marriages spurs me onward in ministry and gets me out of bed. I'm deeply burdened to see couples choose their spouse well and start their marriage strong. I want to see couples build their marriages on a Matthew 7:24-27 foundation. I hope to see an army of couples choose a different path than the majority of the marriages out there. I’m so very grateful God has placed this calling on my life.

What rejuvenates your soul? What places or activities help you recharge?

I often wish I had more and different hobbies. I hear friends talk about the sports they play and the activities they love. I guess I’m boring in that I don’t have many activities that recharge my soul. If I’m honest, reading and writing fill my tank. I started writing three years ago and I’ve watched it become the best way for me to refuel and rejuvenate my soul. There’s something about creating and putting words together that makes me feel like I’m doing what God wants me to do.

I’m a big fan of sitting in a comfy chair and reading or sitting in a coffee shop and writing. I’m easy to please.

But, if I got to choose one place to go, I’d go to my friend’s lake house. Sitting on the edge of the water, away from technology with a book in my hand…. yes, please. I’m lusting right now thinking about it!

You talk and write a great deal about playing good offense in your marriage. What does that look like?

I just wrote a blog post about this one, so instead of rehashing the whole thing, I’ll give you a couple of bullet points along with a link to the post itself!

Basically, this means that we work ahead of problems coming instead of responding to them down the road in the middle of a crisis. I operate off the principle found in Matthew 7:24-27 - the story of the wise and foolish builders. When you play good offense, you build your marriage on the solid rock foundation of Jesus Christ. On the other hand, so many of us build our lives and our homes on shifting sand. When the trouble comes, the house collapses. Rather, I want to help as many couples as possible build their home on the rock, so that when, not if, the crisis comes, the marriage will be able to withstand the storm because the couple played good offense. To be even more specific, this is why we place such a strong emphasis on ministry to pre-married and newly married couples at Watermark.

Ministry and church leaders across the country sing the praises of Merge. What do you attribute that to, other than the Lord’s faithfulness? Are there certain aspects of the way you guys do pre-marriage prep that you think have led to this?

I’ve thought about this question a lot over the years. We deliver an unpopular message from God’s Word to an increasingly biblically illiterate culture, but people keep coming and keep inviting their friends. We’re thankful for God’s provision of more couples, year after year. Your answer is the right one - the Lord’s faithfulness continues to amaze us.

Beyond that, we believe that if you do something with excellence (honoring God with whatever you have) and if you care for people, then they’ll usually respond well. In Merge, we teach from up front and give couples homework to do on their own. However, I believe the reason why couples keep coming is because we provide them with caring, empathetic, Christ-centered mentor couples. You can find great teaching online, and many books provide quality homework. What you can’t find online or in books is a couple who challenges you and encourages you in your relationship.

You meet with people in difficult situations often. How do you keep it from wearing you down?

I love this question and I’d say I’m still a work in progress. My first full time job was as a physical therapist (PT) at a spinal cord injury hospital in Atlanta, GA. I enjoyed my job but quickly burned out since it was so intense emotionally. I wasn’t prepared for the emotional burden that came along with working with men and women with spinal cord and brain injuries.

My job as marriage pastor is in many ways even more intense emotionally. I thought I would have learned from my job as a PT to not bring the issues and challenges home with me. Yes, it’s gotten better over the years, but I still struggle to leave work at work and be fully present at home. When you work with people and love people (as we should as followers of Christ), it’s difficult to create a separation from one part of life to another.

That being said, I’ve put a few best practices in place:

  • As best possible, put my phone away, especially when I’m with my family. I want to be fully present with them.
  • Pray on the way home, that I would be able to create some space and be present with my family. I pray that God would remind me that He doesn’t need me, and He’s got everything fully covered.
  • I put boundaries in place with couples and let them know that there might be some windows of time when I’m not able to help them.
  • I pray and read God’s Word so that I can be conformed more and more to the image of Christ. No one was better able to be fully compassionate with people but also put space in place. As you read the gospels, note how often Jesus retreats to a quiet place.

What are three things that make you cry? Laugh? Sing? 

Cry: I’m such a softie. Pretty much everything and anything makes me cry. The show This Is Us tends to be the #1 catalyst over the last six months.

Laugh: I grew up on Seinfeld and Friends. I watch an episode of one or the other most nights as I go through email or write blog posts. They still make me laugh like crazy.

Sing: Good worship music. For instance, as I type this I’m listening to Glorious Day by Passion. Somehow I’m singing, dancing, and typing all at the same time!

When did you discover your love for writing?

I certainly didn’t grow up thinking I would write. In fact, up until I turned almost 40 I don’t think I had a bone in my body that wanted to write. I’ve always loved reading, and I think my love for books helped create my love of writing. At the same time, I had all of these ideas running around in my head. I found that typing them out helped clear some space in my brain. I found that I was thinking more clearly and was better at articulating my thoughts when I started writing.

A few friends encouraged me to write, and I actually found that I enjoyed it. The more I do it, the more I love it. Sometimes it’s hard work, but most of the time I just enjoy the process of sharing my heart through writing. 

You said that your love for reading helped create your love for writing. How important is your ongoing reading to your writing? Are you reading any good books at the moment?

Ah, I love this question because I love reading. If it’s possible, I probably like it too much! In fact, at times, my desire to read can pull me away from friends, family, and from writing.

That being said, reading a good book fills my cup, especially when I read good writing or read something that challenges me. I like to read across a wide spectrum of topics and genres (business, memoir, history), but mostly spend time in the Christian section of the bookstore. As a marriage pastor, I’m always reading at least one book about marriage, either for my own walk with Jesus and relationship with Kristen, or to better help and equip the couples I lead.

I just started reading Parenting, by Paul David Tripp, and so far it’s been fantastic. I recently finished Contagious, by Jonah Berger, Befriend, by Scott Sauls, and Cherish, by Gary Thomas. Three very different books, but each are among my favorites I’ve read so far this year. I could go on and on about books, but that’s a good, brief list!

What's your greatest challenge in writing? At work? In leading your family?

Challenges abound in all three of these areas.

My greatest challenge in writing is related to my approval of man issues. Sometimes I’m more consumed by likes, shares, and tweets than whether or not I’m faithful in writing. I struggle with comparison, insecurity, and people-pleasing.

At work, I most often struggle with insecurity and comparison. I want the same opportunities as others, and when I don’t get them, instead of celebrating others, I covet their opportunities.

At home, my biggest challenge is my selfishness. I have my own agenda, every hour, every day. I want to put my needs first, and as a result I can at times prioritize my schedule and needs over the family. To make it practical, this means at times I will choose work, email, or TV, instead of helping my wife or spending time with my kids.

The one consistent in all three of the above is me. I am my biggest challenge in wiring, work, and with my family. My selfishness. My agenda.

You are the most honest and open person I know. I love that about you. Has that always been part of who you are? Or is it something you grew into? Can you walk us through the impact you’ve seen this level of genuineness have on your work, life, etc.?

Thanks, Preston. I appreciate the encouragement. For years, I hid my problems and sin struggles and didn’t want to invite others into my secrets. I believe this changed for two reasons:

  • As a single guy who lived in Atlanta, I confessed my pornography struggles to a group of men at my old church. When I shared, I found a group of guys who loved me and encouraged me. They didn’t mock me and instead helped me fight my sin battle. When I shared and found love and not rejection, I started to realize I could invite others into my dysfunction.
  • The second biggest factor was when I came across Paul’s words in 1 Timothy 1:15. Paul writes, "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.” I believe when Paul wrote these words, he claimed to be the chief sinner because he knew the depravity in his heart. When I read this verse, I instantly connected with Paul. I know the level and depth of my sinful thoughts and behaviors. I enter into every situation assuming I’m at least partly responsible for the problems we face. While I know I’m the worst/chief sinner, I also know that "God demonstrates His own love for us in this, that while were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). If God would be willing to send His Son to die for me, in the middle of my sin, then I know there’s no need to hide or pretend. His love for us frees us up to open and honest.

One last thought on this question. I’ve learned that when I’m open and vulnerable with others, it’s one of the best gifts I can give to people in my life. It frees them up to also be honest and vulnerable. When we’re vulnerable in our relationships, it builds a bridge that allows us to better connect with others.

Learn more about today's guest...

Scott is one of my favorite people, and I hope you've caught a glimpse into why by jumping in on our interview today. If you'd like to connect with him and get your very own copy of his Revised 2017 Date Night Guides you may do so by visiting his website below. 

Website: ScottKedersha.com 

Merge: DallasMarriage.org


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Monthly Mash Up (May 2017)

Welcome to the end of May. Things have been crazy busy in our world, and I’m certain they have in yours as well. I’d like to share with you what I'm reading, pondering and enjoying in the midst of that busyness.  

I do this the last Monday of each month. It’s my way of peeling back the layers and sharing the things that have the greatest impact on me each month. I hope the resources I share with you are helpful and brighten your day. If you do enjoy it, pass it along to family, friends and the occasional stranger.

Quote I'm Chewing On

Leaders must own everything in their world. There is no one else to blame.
— Jocko Willink, Extreme Ownership

I stinking love this quote. It’s one of the many new favs I’ve found reading and listening to Jocko talk about discipline, leadership and getting after it. This one in particular pushes me to take ownership of absolutely everything. This ownership has me springing out of bed earlier than ever, and charging into the day. It has me drawing the circle around myself and working on everything within it like never before.  

What I'm Reading

  1. Stuart Little by E.B. White - Few writers have as clear and concise a style as E.B. White. Now that we have a little, I’ve got a new excuse to reacquaint myself with his voice.

  2. Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Lief Babin  - I’ve been obsessed with this book of late. It continues to challenge me in several deep and profound ways. I’m rethinking and retooling the way I approach every area of life in light of it.  

  3. Baby Wise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam - We're struggling to get a solid sleep schedule down with the new little in our midst. We once had promise and hope that our new son was getting the hang of things and sleeping well, but all hope seems dashed of late. Late nights filled with crying are the new normal. We're reading everything we can find to get our arms around what we're supposed to do.  

What I’m Listening To

  1. The Church Leadership Podcast - This is a new podcast Watermark Community Church launched in the past month. While directed towards church leaders, I’ve found it deeply helpful as I’ve processed what it looks like to lead our growing family well. Go listen to the first episode entitled, A Leader’s Inner Circle. In it you’ll hear an outstanding conversation about why other Christians are one of God’s biggest gifts to you.

  2. Betty Who - I know you’re thinking I’ve lost my mind. What could possibly lead to my listening to an artist like Betty Who? The short answer and the long of it is that I trusted the recommendation of a friend. I’m not even the least bit sad I did. Her tunes have become the sounds powering my work day and it’s wonderful.    

  3. The Jocko Podcast - I discovered Jocko Podcast the same weekend I read Extreme Ownership. It's my new favorite podcast. Whatever I'm doing, and wherever I'm going, it's playing in my headphones of late. Jocko's a virtual mentor as his podcast fires me up, gets me moving and has me taking action to develop as a leader.

  4. The Cold-Case Christianity Podcast - J. Warner Wallace is a real life cold-case detective helping Christians develop the skills necessary to make a compelling case for why they believe the gospel to be true. He calls this a Forensic Faith and it’s exactly what believers must do.

From the Internet

  1. Why Do We Want to Put a Stone in Your Shoe? - This two part series springs from the often quoted Greg Koukl who says, “All I want to do is give him something worth thinking about.” In this series, Scott and the marriage team at Watermark give us more than something to think about, but several somethings worth talking about with our spouses.

  2. Major Dick Winters Interview - Several podcasts I listened to this month discussed the life and leadership of Major Dick Winters. Here is an interview with the man himself. One of the finest leaders of men and the subject of the HBO mini series Band of Brothers.

21 Leadership Lessons Learned From Reading Extreme Ownership

“The only meaningful measure for a leader,” Jocko Willink said, “is whether the team succeeds or fails. For all the definitions, descriptions, and characteristics of leaders, there are only two that matter: effective and ineffective. Effective leaders lead successful teams that accomplish their mission and win. Ineffective leaders do not.” 

ex ownership pic.jpg

Leadership and leaders are a hot topic. Talk to anyone on the street and they want to be a better and more effective leader. Not everyone will define good leadership the same, but all want to be effective. All want to win. 

I’m little different. I want to win at work, at home and in every area of life. I’m willing to take extreme steps to avoid losing, and to secure a victory. I want to exude drive, discipline, and focus. In short, I want to be the leader Jocko Willink and Lief Babbin describe in Extreme Ownership. 

Ask my wife and she'll tell you how obsessed I am with this book and Jocko’s podcast. I love their philosophy and take on leadership and am compelled to share a glimpse into why with you here. 

What follows is a list of twenty-one things I'm learning from both sources.

  1. Discipline equals freedom. This starts each day when the alarm clock goes off. In many ways, it’s the first test of the day, it sets the tone. If you get up, you win. If you don’t, you fail. Discipline starts with the little things and is the difference between good and exceptional.
  2. Check your ego. The most difficult ego to deal with is your own. 
  3. Own everything around you. Take responsibility. Look at yourself first whenever trouble arises. Your team not performing well? It's your fault, own it. Rather than blame others, figure out a way to better communicate so they understand. Instead of complaining about your boss, take ownership of problems and lead. Support your boss. Take responsibility for communicating in the right way.
  4. Be humble. Admit shortcomings and failures. Be willing to admit when you’re wrong or at least that the potential for being wrong exists. "Winning in daily battles," Jocko said, "gives you the opportunity to deflect credit, show your humbleness in victory and show your ability to lead. Which all help you in the long-term fight to achieve your goals. Losing a battle gives you the opportunity to generously cede your position, admit your wrong, which both display humbleness, and display your ability to follow. Winning or losing isn’t as important as how you react to winning or losing." 
  5. Believe what you say. If you don’t, ask questions until you understand and find belief in what must be done. You can't expect others to buy-in to an idea you yourself don't believe in.
  6. Explain the why behind things. Help people understand not just what you want them to do, but the goals and reasons why. Help them understand the intention. 
  7. What you tolerate is more important than what you say. "If substandard performance is accepted," Jocko said, "and no one is held accountable—if there are no consequences—that poor performance becomes the new standard."
  8. Never be satisfied. Always strive to improve and build that mindset into those you lead. There are no finished products this side of the grave. 
  9. Go on offense. It is always better to go on offense than to sit back and play defense. Be proactive rather than reactive.
  10. Cover and move. "Work well with others," Jocko said, "Support them and help them win. Make them part of your team. Stay close enough, physically and relationally that you can move to support and help one another."
  11. Simplify as much as possible. Complexity compounds issues when things spiral out of control, which they will.
  12. Detach from the situation. "Detach yourself," Jocko said, "when you start getting worked up and ask yourself, 'why?' then regain control of yourself." Detachment is a common theme on the podcast, one that sounds both difficult, and rewarding. 
  13. Prioritize your problems and take care of them one at a time, focusing on the highest priority first.
  14. Empower other leaders to go get it done. Give simple, clear, concise orders that are easily understood by everyone. Allow people to take initiative and make decisions. "They must know you have their back," Jocko said, "even if they make a bad call, as long as the call was made in an effort to achieve the objective."
  15. Develop standard operating procedures. 
  16. Have a system for planning. Have a repeatable checklist of all the important things they need to think about.
  17. Make decisions. Be decisive. Be aggressive.
  18. Don’t burn bridges. "Nothing is gained by this." Jocko said, "The future is unknown, and you should always do what you can to maintain lines of communication, bridges intact and reinforced if possible. Do not pursue a course of action that can not be undone, reversed or manipulated in the future."
  19. Don’t be emotional. Don’t lose control of them. If you can’t control your emotions what can you control? Take control of your emotions. "They don’t get a vote," Jocko said. Impose your will upon them; discipline, mind control, and drive. Don’t let them control you, control them.
  20. Be the best at everything you do. Put in the time, energy and effort required. Hustle hard, and outwork everyone.
  21. Listen and seek to understand what other people tell you. 

This is the man I want to be. These are the principles I want to fuse to the very core of my being. I want them to ooze out of me like sweat during a workout. 

Why am I drawn to these principles? Why do they suck me in like a moth to a flame?

The simple answer is that they reflect the biblical worldview and scriptural principles. God’s word calls His people to behave and respond to the world around them in the same way. They are an ideal worthy of our pursuit and one I want to run after. 

You Should Try A Story Night With Your Family

Rachel stood by the Audi watching Raylan, Raylan the show. Watching him facing Coover holding the bright-metal piece at his leg. Watched Coover swing the rat by the tail and let it go and saw it coming at her to land on the hood of the Audi. Rachel didn't move. Raylan didn't either, didn't glance around. 
But said, "Coover, you throw a dead rat at my car. What're you trying to tell me?" 
Rachel unsnapped the holster riding on her hip. 
Coover said, "Take it any way you want, long as you know I'm serious." 
"You're telling me you're one mean son of a bitch," Raylan said to his face. "You know how many wanted felons have given me that look? I say a thousand I know I'm low. Some turn ugly as I snap on the cuffs; they're too late. Some others, I swear, even try to draw down on me. All I'm asking, how'd you come to take Angel's kidneys?"

 
The world of Elmore Leonard is as rich in characters and story as it is witty dialogue. I settled on this classic from his novel Raylan because I read it in January. You may be familiar with it because FX created the TV series called Justified based on his main character, Raylan Givens. 

Leonard was a master at dialogue. He had a way of making you forget you were reading. It's easy to spend three hours turning pages right in the middle of the action without noticing.  

Good writing does that to you. It pulls you in and doesn't let go. I haven't particularly enjoyed reading fiction for most of my life. I considered myself far too serious a person to waste my time on silly fiction. 

Then at the tender age of twenty-eight Lee Child and his iconic character, Jack Reacher came into my life. Here was a larger than life character that reminded me of my uncle George, right down to the former Army MP background. It grabbed me by the throat and pulled me into the world I'd long abandoned. 

I read over 30 fiction books that year. I was back in the fiction reading business. I've sought to make up for lost time since turning the page on my first Reacher novel two years ago. From The Hobbit to Harry Potter I've been swimming in the seas of tall tales and loving every second of it. It's brought color and light to my reading life, where once were only the dreary shadows of the real world. 

It's all about storytelling for me. I enjoy getting lost in the sights, sounds, and memories of another. Be it a novel, short story or fireside chat, storytelling is a tradition we've lost touch with over the years. 

How often to we gather around the living room for no other purpose but the telling of stories? We're usually talking over one another and half listening as we go. That's why I'm especially grateful for a tradition Hannah's family started this past year called Story Night. 

It's exactly what you're picturing. After dinner, we'll gather around with coffee, water or hot tea and take turns telling tales. This isn't the free for all you're most likely picturing. It's an ordered process designed to help us learn to not simply to tell good stories, but to listen.  

Here are the ground rules: 

1.) Participation is voluntary - If someone doesn't want to share a story, they're welcome to skip doing so.  
2.) The speaker has the floor - Whoever is talking has the floor, no exceptions. They have 5-10 mins of uninterrupted time to share their story. It can be a story they've prepared, a song, or a tale from their childhood. What matters is that while they are talking, no one else may jump in. 
3.) Questions are welcome - After the storyteller has completed their turn, others in the room can ask as many questions as they want. Sometimes this time is even better than the stories. You get to hear all the behind the details on how they chose their topic and why. 
 
Story Night is one of my favorite nights. Sometimes I read something I've written and other times I don't prepare anything at all. It's a beautiful tradition full of fun, and laughter that I can't get enough of.