Do The Right Thing

“What matters to an active man is to do the right thing; whether the right thing comes to pass should not bother him.”

— Goethe

There you are working diligently day by day, putting in long hours, showing up when all others are staying home. You’re treating people with dignity, respect, and love. You help the weak carry their burdens and rejoice with others. You serve, extend grace, and seek the right path.

Yet all is not as you would like. Projects fail. People are rude and hurtful. No one notices your efforts, and you’re passed over from a promotion.

You’ve come face to face with one of the realities of life: you can do everything right and still receive failure, disrespect, and injury in return. It happens all the time. Rarely a day goes by when good deeds are not met with reviling on one hand or indifference on the other.

What are you to do? Not treat others with kindness, not approach your work with diligence, not extend grace to others, not help the helpless, because there is a chance it won’t be returned in kind?

Do the reactions and nonreactions of others give you license to behave badly? Do they give you permission to abandon the right path? 

You may not have control over how others respond, but you have 100% control over you. They don’t get to decide how you act, you do. They don’t get to make that decision for you. It’s on you.

Instead of being crushed by the world’s response, shift your focus. Focus on what you control. Ignore outcomes. They aren’t the measure of your success. Success isn’t defined that way because success cannot be something outside your control.

You must define success by things you control, not things external to you. Doing the right thing, working hard, meeting your personal standards. These are the things you control. Better still they are not dependent upon others. You get to make the call.

“Ambition,” Marcus Aurelius said, “means tying your well-being to what other people say or do…Sanity means tying it to your own actions.”

Why let externals determine if something is worth doing or not?

Define success by your effort. Did you give it all you have? Did you put good effort in? Did you take the bat off your shoulders and give it a swing? If you can answer yes to these questions, hold your head high.

Monthly Mash Up (February 2019)

I’ve both read and listened to some incredible stuff during the month of February. Stuff that is impacting my life daily. Which is the entire point of learning. It has to impact your day to day. If it doesn’t you’re wasting your time. Sadly, a number of the things we spend our time on are complete wastes of time. This must not be so. We must learn to “live without wasted time,” as an old French political slogan says. What follows are four resources that not only won’t waste your time, but will add immense value to your life.

I do this the last week of each month. It’s my way of peeling back the layers and sharing the things that have the greatest impact on me each month. I hope these resources are helpful and brighten your day. If you enjoy it, pass it along to family, friends and the occasional stranger.

The Obstacle Is The Way by Ryan Holiday

Things happen. Deals fall through, feelings get hurt, and loss abounds. Life throws tough things at you. Things that aren't fun, or pleasant. What do you do with these things come? Ignore the problem? Complain and do nothing? In this book, Ryan points to another path. A path where you see each and every obstacle standing in your way as an opportunity. An opportunity to move forward, to practice virtue, and become our best self. To see these things not just as something to be overcome, but as a necessary part of the process. Part of becoming who you need to be to ultimately triumph in the end.

Mindset by Carol Dweck

Ben Bergeron references this book on his podcast often. I picked it up this past month, and found a gem of a book. It helped me see new things about the way I think, and most importantly how to change my poor thinking. I learned that I have operated with a fixed mindset most of my life. I believed certain traits, or abilities were fixed and could not be changed. Over the past year my mindset has been shifting towards what Carol calls a growth mindset, or one where potential really is limitless. You can learn anything, if you're willing to stick to it and work at it long enough.

How Champions Think by Bob Rotella

The successful fascinate us. We marvel at all they do. As if we are incapable of doing likewise. In this book, Bob Rotella opens the door for you to see that remarkable people do remarkable things because they think in remarkable ways. Most importantly, he shows that it is a learned skill. A skill you can develop with effort and practice.

Embracing Vulnerability, Chasing Excellence Podcast

This episode was perfectly timed. My wife and I lead a group of newly married couples at our church. It's a group dedicated to helping these couples start marriage on the right foot. Part of that journey entails living life in community with other believers. That means, among many things, being fully known. No holding back. No hiding. But sharing your authentic self. This episode of Ben's podcast tackles the same concept, in a slightly different context, but offers an immensely helpful and encouraging perspective.

The Right Goals

People are quite bad at setting goals. Most abandon them almost as soon as they’re set. That’s because the majority of people aren’t setting goals, they’re voicing aspirations.

Aspirations have their place. You have to some idea of the person you’d like to become, and the heights to which you’d like to soar. By all means, dream big. Set your sights high.

Just don’t stop there.

Keep working on refining your aspirations and turning them into goals. The difference between the two is found in a plan. Goals come with actionable steps. You break them down into smaller pieces and steps.

Goals come with a plan, but even the best plan will help you little if you lack the commitment to follow it through.

“Breakdown your goals into daily activity. Ask yourself, “Am I committed to doing this every day without fail?” If your answer is anything other than yes, rethink your goals.”

It’s a problem of dedication.

Most simply aren’t dedicated to their goals. They’d rather keep them as nice inspirational thoughts and intentions. The grind is too much. They aren’t willing to do the daily work required.

It’s understandable. Goals inherently come with pressure. Pressure to perform and produce. Pressure to achieve. No wonder most abandon them before truly working on them. Better to get out while you can and avoid the disappointment and failure you may experience if you persist.

What if all the pressure and commitment issues are a result of setting the wrong kind of goals, goals that are ultimately outside your control?

Most set their sights on the achievement of things well outside their sphere of control. No wonder efforts result in a lack of dedication and end in disappointment. Few things are so frustrating as working hard to grasp something just out of reach.

When the focus rests on something you can control however, results are different. The effort and work are life-giving. You can actually influence progress. It builds momentum and keeps you marching forward.

What can you control?

You control things like your thoughts, actions, and attitude. You control what you eat, how you sleep, and how hard you work. You control what books you read, and how you use your time. No one can take these things away from you. They are things 100% within your grasp.

Which means you can hold yourself accountable to what you do with them. So, what will you do?

What daily actions do you need to commit to? What handful of changes should you make?

Do you need to start getting up earlier, so you have the time to work on things?

Do you need to shut off work and go home at 5 pm so that you can eat dinner with your family?

Are there goals you need to adjust?

Within Your Control

“It’s not about big goals. It’s not about the confidence to be able to say them out loud.” Katrin Davidsdottir said, “It’s the focus and dedication to the task at hand, no matter how small, and giving your very best in each and every moment.”

Clear thinking leads to clear action. We have to possess the right understanding of what needs doing, and how to do. That’s why you have a to-do list or task management system of some sort.

Having a Not-To-Do List is as important as a to-do list. A not-to-do list is more than the inverse of the to-do list. It keeps you on track and helps you lead the life you want.

Often the road to achieving your goals runs through what you don’t do, more than what you do. Ben Bergeron shared 10 things he suggests we avoid like all get out. I found it an exciting exercise and share it with you here.

1. Don’t hit the snooze button.

2. Don’t get mad in traffic.

3. Don’t show up late.

4. Don’t tolerate gossip (or gossip yourself).

5. Don’t watch the news.

6. Don’t pass judgment.

7. Don’t eat and scroll.

8. Don’t look at email before lunch.

9. Don’t leave dishes in the sink.

10. Don’t wait for perfect.

One thing is held in common by each of these items. They encourage you to focus on what you control. Why give energy and attention to things you exert zero influence over?

You can create a not-to-do list or not. The one thing you can’t do is reach your goals by focusing on things outside your control.

Focus instead on what you can influence and control. Make this your sweet spot. Expand all your energy working on the mastery of all things within your sphere of influence.

That’s how you win.

What Stands In The Way Becomes The Way

Ben Bergeron is one of the top coaches in the CrossFit world. He has coached some of the world’s fittest athletes to victory. His approach, however, is strikingly different. Rather than proceeding straight to performance and strategy, Ben focuses on character.

“It starts,” Ben says, “with the development of the person, of the character traits necessary to achieve at a high level. These character traits ensemble my athletes to follow a rigorous process designed to utilize every minute of every day toward improvement and progress…Committing to a process requires a unique set of character traits–things like grit, resilience, accountability, confidence, optimism, perseverance, and passion. Without these traits, it’s impossible to follow a championship process, which is why character is the first thing I focus on.”

This focus on character first is immensely helpful. It sets you free from concerning yourself with all the things you’d typically distract. Things like missed reps, weaknesses, adversity and the performance of others. It helps you set your sights on the person you need to become in order to reach your goals.

Adversity is your friend and helper in this process. He comes alongside and pushes you onward. He forces you to rethink, retool, and redouble your efforts. He strengthens your character, your thinking, and your commitment. He offers you the opportunity to grow, mature, and learn.

Hardship is often cast in a negative light, a thing to avoid. It brings great pain into your life, and who wants that? But what if you saw beyond the pain? What if you learned to look for the opportunity inside every set back?

This is the message of the Stoics. These ancient philosophers thought deep thoughts, faced real hardship and produced a way of thinking about them that remains helpful to this day, Stoicism.

Such is the topic and message of The Obstacle Is The Way by Ryan Holiday. The subtitle says it all, the timeless art of turning trails into triumph. No other words could capture so clearly the message of all 224 pages of this book. It is a masterstroke of helpful examples and instruction that prove the obstacle is indeed the way.

Bergeron recommends this book under the category of mindset on this episode of Chasing Excellence. Which is interesting on its own. One of the top coaches in the world sets aside an entire category of books focused on mindset. How you think is important. Important enough for a dedicated category of reading and learning.

What goes in your mind is something you control. You get to choose the fuel you feed your mind. No one else can force their ideas down upon you. No, you get the final say in the matter. Even if everything else is taken from you, you still remain in utter control of your mind.

Why not leverage this reality to make you resilient in the face of challenges?

Why not use it to teach yourself to see the opportunity wrapped in difficulty?

Challenges will come your way in life. They are one constant to the human experience. All face hardship and difficulty. Instead of allowing it to distract and disrupt your progress, make it work for you.

This is the gift Ryan Holiday offers you in this spellbinding read. To gift to smile in the face of adversity. The gift to see opportunity in every trial. The gift to see all of life as a chance to do your best.

Ryan opens with a few lines for the writing of Marcus Aurelius. These simple yet profound words inspire the heart and kick the mind into gear. I leave them with you here in hopes that you are drawn to them. And that in drawing near you pick up the book and read:

Our actions may be impeded…but there can be no impeding our intentions or dispositions. Because we can accommodate and adapt. The mind adapts and converts to its own purposes the obstacle to our actions. The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” - Marcus Aurelius