Monthly Mash Up (May 2019)

“It doesn’t matter how successful or unsuccessful you are right now. What matters is whether your habits are putting you on the path towards success. You should be far more concerned with your current trajectory than with your current outcomes.”

— James Clear, Atomic Habits

The outcomes of your life rest within your habits. Those tiny seemingly insignificant actions compound over time. They create the future you live in. “Time magnifies,” James Clear says, “the margin between success and failure. It will multiply whatever you feed it. Good habits make time your ally. Bad habits make time your enemy.”

Below is a collection of my learning habits this past month. Each item represents a resource influencing my life. Learning is a key component of my daily habits. I make it a point to avail myself to the vast resources living in the information age affords.

It is my prayer that this collection of influences is helpful to you. I pray that you find one thing to add to your tool belt and acquaint yourself with. If you find value in anything you find below, please share this post with a friend. Perhaps they will find it helpful as well.

Cross-Examined Podcast with Dr. Frank Turek

Did Jesus Really Rise from the Dead? Part 1 & Part 2

The celebration of Easter marks the calendar each April. Yet for the Christian every day is a celebration of what Easter is about–the Resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth.

This two-part series walks you through evidence of the Resurrection. Christianity would be false if this singular event didn’t happen. In fact, the Apostle Paul said, “...if Christ has not been raised, your faith is worthless; you are still in your sins.” Everything hinges on the Resurrection. This series will help you understand why you can have confidence it happened the way the Scriptures say it did.

The Cross-Examined App

Frank Turek’s ministry is a blessing. It is churning out materials and information to help Christian’s give a better defense of the faith. Frank and his team accumulate resources within an application called the Cross-Examined App. The app contains podcast and blog archives, as well as quick answers to questions common objections Christian’s face.

I Don’t Have Enough Faith To Be An Atheist by Frank Turek and Norman Geisler

May has been a month filled with the insights of Frank Turek. I’ve been chewing through episodes of his podcast at a furious pace. Along the way, I also downloaded a copy of I Don’t Have Enough Faith To Be An Atheist.

We are Christians for evidential reasons. We are not Christians because it “works for us”, “makes us feel good”, or “because we had an experience.” No, we are Christians because that is where the evidence points us. I Don’t Have Enough Faith To Be An Atheist walks through the evidence. It shows that not only is belief in God logical, but that trust in the Jesus of Nazareth, is the only path that makes sense. In short, it makes clear that faith isn’t a leap in the dark, but trust in light of the evidence.

Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

C. S. Lewis is everywhere I turn. His thoughts and insights fill the pages of every book I'm reading. Few things come to mind upon hearing his name as Mere Christianity.

Lewis’ is worth returning to often, and I can think of no better place to visit than the pages of Mere Christianity. It has a way of clearing the path and allowing you to see things as if for the first time. Mere Christianity is like a warm blanket for the Christian soul. Thankfully it is also a strong defense against the thrusts of the critic.

Atomic Habits for Marriage

Our last post traversed the helpful thoughts of C. S. Lewis on Christian marriage. That post ended with the realization that you can make love a habit. That you can design your daily habits and routines to enrich your marriage and love your spouse well.

Littered throughout James Clear’s Atomic Habits you’ll find helpful insight into how new habits form. The greatest revelation it delivers is the outstanding news that you can take hold of the wheel. You can steer your life, and marriage, in a new and better direction.

“It is easy to overestimate the importance of one defining moment and underestimate the value of making small improvements on a daily basis. Too often, we convince ourselves that massive success requires massive action. ”

If you’re like me, you can believe that making big changes in your life requires you to take big steps forward. In short, you look for big actions that lead to big results. You also ignore small things because they won’t move the needle far enough.

“…improving by 1 percent isn’t particularly noticeable–sometimes it isn’t even noticeable–but it can be far more meaningful, especially in the long run. ”

Small incremental improvements are easy to dismiss. They appear too small to mess with. The interesting thing is that they pay off over the long term. Small improvements compound to create a massive tidal wave of change. You get a little bit better each day and transform into a better version of yourself. You look up after a measure of time, only to realize the growth that has taken place along the way.

This simple yet powerful idea changes the entire trajectory of your marriage. You don’t have to do big massive things to grow your marriage. In fact, there is power in the cumulative effect of repeated small actions.  

You may find it hard to get going. You may have a million different ideas on how to love your wife well but remain unsure which is the best. In short, you get paralyzed by the plethora of options before you.

“It is easy to get bogged down trying to find the optimal plan for change: the fastest way to lose weight, the best program to build muscle, the perfect idea for a side hustle. We are so focused on figuring out the best approach that we never get around to taking action. As Voltaire once wrote, “The best is the enemy of the good.” ”

You’re not alone in getting caught up in the paralyzing power of too many options. It happens to each person walking the planet. In this regard, Voltaire is correct: the best is the enemy of the good.

Of course, you don’t want to choose a bad option. But, with many good options on the table, movement is a win. Taking a step forward gets you going and getting going sets you in motion to forming new habits.

“If you want to master a habit, the key is to start with repetition, not perfection. You don’t need to map out every feature of a new habit. You just need to practice it.”

You don’t need the perfect collection of habits to improve your marriage. All you need is to pick some good ones and do them. That’s how habits form. You do them over and over again until they happen without your even noticing.

“To build a habit, you need to practice it. And the most effective way to make practice happen is to…make it easy.”

Clear’s insight to, “make it easy” is helpful. It flips the weakness of your laziness to your advantage. Make loving actions as easy as possible. Make it easier than any alternative. Redesign your life so these actions are the easiest to do.

If you want a great marriage, habits are the path. Walk that path and happily ever after rests within your grasp.

C. S. Lewis on Christian Marriage

The writings of C.S. Lewis are a wonderful gift to the human soul. They remain evergreen; relevant and helpful at any time. They are not concerned with passing trends and cultural to-dos but focused upon the overarching truths about human life. Lewis’ writings provide strong support to undergird the faithful, and an on-ramp into the faith to the wayward.

Tucked within his masterwork, Mere Christianity, you’ll find a chapter entitled Christian Marriage. It is a work worth wearing out with regular visits and obstructing with generous underlining. Below you’ll find a passage from this chapter. It is one that attacks our generation’s preoccupation with feelings head-on.

“As Chesterton pointed out, those who are in love have a natural inclination to bind themselves by promises. Love songs all over the world are full of vows of eternal constancy. The Christian law is not forcing upon the passion of love something which is foreign to that passion’s own nature: it is demanding that lovers should take seriously something which their passion of itself impels them to do.

And, of course, the promise, made when I am in love and because I am in love, to be true to the beloved as long as I live, commits me to be true even if I cease to be in love. A promise must be about things I can do, about actions: no one can promise to go on feeling a certain way. He might as well promise never to have a headache or always to feel hungry.”

— C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, p. 107

Todd Wagner channels Lewis well on this point when he says that, “Feelings are real, they just aren’t reliable.” They are a poor foundation on which to build your life. They shift and change like the wind blow sands of the Sahara. They can’t be trusted to last.

They can’t be trusted to last, in part because you have little control over them. In fact, you sit up and notice when someone around you exhibits great control over them. It’s a noteworthy occurrence. One worth celebrating! As such it stands outside the normal course of human interactions and as such confirms Lewis’ point.

Promises must, therefore, be about actions you can take. Lewis doesn’t leave you hanging. A quick turn of the page and you find this helpful guidance:

“…ceasing to be ‘in love’ need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense-love as distinct from ‘being in love’–not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, motivated by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask, and receive from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily if they allowed themselves, be ‘in love’ with someone else. ‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.”

— C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, p.109

There it is! That big bright blinking light leading you on the path to living out the love you promised on your wedding day; habit. Love is a verb, not a feeling only.

You can make love a habit.

How awesome is that?

Loving your spouse well comes down to the design of your daily habits and routines. And you get a vote on what those look like. You’re not left waiting for a feeling; you have the opportunity to shape them with purpose.

Everything in your life is shaped by your habits, including your marriage. Take stock of your current habits. Eliminate the poor ones. Reinforce the good. And most importantly of all, establish your best ones yet. Habits that will pay dividends for as long as you both shall live.

Marriage Is School

“In a long marriage, at some point, your primary point of sanctification becomes your spouse. The flaws she sees and things that hurt her are the very things God most wants to address in you. Your spouse becomes a mirror through which you see where God wants to move next.”

— Carey Nieuwhof

Relationships are hard. They take work to build, deepen, and maintain. They need a massive investment of time and energy. With conflict and difficulty as promised ingredients along the way.

In no relationship is this truer than within marriage.  

Marriage is great! Joy, love, encouragement, and all the things you need and want spring from such a deep union of souls. Marriage is also the most difficult relationship you’ll ever have.

Your spouse knows EVERYTHING about you. They see you at your best, and at your worst. In fact, they see sides of you that remain hidden from the rest of the world.

You conflict with your spouse–the person you love most–more than with anyone else.

They do things that annoy you. They leave dishes in the sink, towels on the floor, cloths unfolded, and put the toilet paper on wrong. Yes, there is a right way to put toilet paper on.

The things you once loved and admired while dating grate on you. What was once fun and spontaneous, is now reckless and disorganized. What was once cute, is now another annoyance added to your daily life.

Each of these things is part of God’s design and purpose for your marriage. Yes, all.

Think about it for a moment.

What is the purpose of your marriage?

Is it not meant to communicate the gospel? To provide a tangible example of how God in Christ pursues, forgives, loves, and cares for His bride, the church.

Is it not also meant as one of the primary vehicles for your transformation? To help you conform to the image of Christ.

The seemingly insignificant and difficult things you experience in marriage have immense value and meaning. They are the things the Lord uses to conform you to the image of Christ.

 They are tools in the hands of a good, perfect, loving, and sovereign God.

 They are God’s gift to you.

 They are things you should thank God for.

 Through the difficulty, hardship, and pain marriage brings God is at work. He is shaping you like a fine masterpiece. He is smooths away all the rough edges, shapes the curves, and forms you into a representation of Jesus.

That’s your destiny if you are in Christ–conformity into His image.

All the things you complain about and have to fight through are part of that process. They are the very things required to get you there. They are the means of your transformation.

 Of course, this is true of all Christian relationships. They are part of the “all things” Paul makes mention of in Romans 8:28.

Marriage compresses life and exposes things. It holds up a mirror for you to gaze into and see all the issues, faults, and selfishness that resides within. It provides you the greatest opportunity to put your faith into action on a daily basis.

 In short, it is the greatest seminary or school in godliness you’ll attend.